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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Take Care

The working person get bore when he/she inter in age where they are being called as sernior citizens. Thought the women are free in India many women spend their time in home and started feel alone. Men can spend time at various places but still women spend her life in four walls of house. This leads to various problems in the home. But some tips can help you to mingle with our old family member specially your mother. She was the companion of your life and at the old age you should be her friend.

Look at mother through eyes of others - not as a mother, but as a person in general

It is good, if mother is your best friend, but what if she is not? You can improve the relationship, if you make the first step toward changes. First, you can change not a situation, but your attitude towards it - it is already a lot.

You will have to look at your mother as a person in general, and not just your mother. This approach will help you treating her more leniently, not idealizing and demanding too much. Try to «remove» mother from a pedestal you stood her at. Yes, your mom is not perfect, and you are the same. Give her the right of mistakes and small (or large) human weakness.

Following tips will help you in this:

Try to understand your mom’s motives of actions

Be sure to learn how external circumstances affected your mom’s life, and draw conclusions! For example, a mother who worries excessively for her daughter when it comes to puberty, and controls her strictly, maybe, became a victim of sexual violence in this age. She is simply trying to protect daughter from suffering she experienced. A daughter, meanwhile, thinks that mother just wants to spoil her life.

Find out as much about your mom as possible

The more information you can find, the more new things you will see in your mother. Try to remember what you know about her childhood. Most people treat children with affection and not inclined to rush to extremes, believing them angels or devils. We are able to evaluate them adequately. Ask how old your grandmother was, when she gave birth to her daughter. What were conditions of family life when your mom was growing?

Pay attention to your likeness

Ask yourself what you have in common - starting from external similarity (face, figure, manner of dress) and ending with values, fears, political views, types of friends, religion, favorite food etc. As a rule, we are sympathetic to people whom we have something similar with and tend to forgive them more than usual.

Ask mum about details of her birth and first years of life

Ask her the following questions: Was her pregnancy successful? How you behaved in maternal womb? How delivery passed? What she felt for the first time, when she saw you? What she liked in you, when you were a baby? What she feared of? What was the most difficult to her? Whether she consirered herself a bad or unskillful mother? Your task is to tell her you understand how difficult being a mother is and that want to know how all this was for her.

Think about responsibility that rested on your mother’s shoulders

In addition to normal daily, routine cases (which themselves can be quite cumbersome), mothers usually have to bear a load of raising children. They feel responsible for children psychological health. They are first blamed, if their children are not all right.

Stop considering mum invulnerable or omnipotent

The more you learn about difficulties experienced by your mother, when she raised you, the more indulgent you will be towards her. Think that problems she faced could affect her attitude towards your education. Do you remember those days when she was too tired to play with you, or too irritable, or she had not enough positive emotions? Maybe it was the time when she was particularly hard? Very often domestic conflicts with husband, mother-in-law, etc. are the reason for this behavior.

Put yourself in her place

No matter how different you are with your mother, try to imagine what could happen if you lived her life, maybe you will come to an astonishing conclusion that your mother did everything that could be done in those circumstances.

In bad relationships young, single daughters with no children suffer most. The fewer social roles an adult daughter has, the bigger place is given to relationship with her mother.

However, the forecast is favorable; statistics states that, firstly, when you turn 35, you begin understanding your mum much better, than before. Secondly, a significant break in the relationship happens when yourself become a mother.

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