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Thursday, May 9, 2013

Dream Family

Summer vacations test on your patience with Kids.  Kids these days are bored after doing an activity for less than 15-20 minutes on an average. Gone are the days when you gave them a PC and they ended up spending whole day playing games. Now they have played all the games and are bored of silly online games. Forget about reading books as its not fashionable and playing outdoors for lack of open spaces and heat. So on one such summer nights, I had to resort to storytelling for my daughter and her small friend. All the popular stories, either of the royal family descendants like Bhakt Prahlad or Dhruv, or of common men like that honest woodcutter who lost his axe in the well, have a similar thread. After doing hard worship and meditation, god appears and grants the protagonist his wishes. After narrating such stories to the kids, I had a great idea. I have planned to go to Himalaya and am planning to do heavy worship and meditation there. I will face all hardships and ensure that god turns up and grants me my wishes. And I am ready with my wish list along with priorities. These days you have to be prepared. What if god turns up and then I waste my time thinking what to ask for. Also you never know if god will grant one wish or three. So I have prepared ten just in case. I also am prepared with reasoning just in case like your client or boss he asks me to explain why I had asked that type of wish or asks for further detailed reasoning.
The main philosophy of my wish list is the universal fact that you can choose your friends but cannot choose your family. God decides the family in which you are born. Thus I will ask god one basic wish to chose my family and family members.
Thus my first wish is to have a mother in Law like a

certain Madam G who could allot me special status at every Indian Airport. I could then form companies with authorized capital of 1 lakh Rupees and then get loans over crores from PSU banks. I could then buy land allotted by Governments. Sell the same at double price. I could get free stakes in few of the largest Realtor in India in return of some favors  I will be unofficial king maker and king of the world
My second wish is to have father like Liquor baron certain Mr M. Then I can get birthday present like an Airlines. I can have liberty to own Yatches, Goa beach houses, IPL teams. I will have a permanent supply of poisons from family owned factories. I can flaunt a Bollywood girl friend. I can continue my lifestyle even if my airline is dead due to loans. My employees remain unpaid.
My third wish is to have uncle like senior nationalistic politician and Maharashtra strongman a certain Mr P. Then I can own half of Pune district lands be it agricultural, NA, Urban. I can be on director boards of several coop banks, sugar mills, dairies, credit societies. Then I can give loans to the directors and convert them into NPA. Then I can use state government funds to bail them out. I can be no 2 in coalition government. I can continue my autocratic style and functioning scaring daylights out of all and sundry. I can get plum ministries like power, irrigation, and finance with strong ‘potential’
My fourth wish is to have aunts (at least two out fours mentioned, I leave it to god) who are chief ministers like certain Ms D from capital. Then I could have got all CWG contracts. Or certain Ms M from heartland where I would have got contracts for building statues, or certain Ms J from south where I could have inherited some family assets, or certain Ms M from East who would have allowed me to thrash my opponents or create hooliganism in elite institutes.
My fifth wish is to have maternal uncle like a certain minister Mr B. Then i can earn crores while ensuring plum posts in ministerial board. I would travel all over India in railways without any need to book any ticket in advance on VIP pass.
My sixth wish is to have brother like senior socialist leader from heartland certain Mr M. Though named soft and silky he can get tough against my opponents. I could earn lot of money from plot allotments in new cities, highways and laptop owners without holding any official post. I could play major role in political stability of central coalition govt. I could have cavalcade of cars when i travel.
My seventh wish is to have should have sister like Ms K from south. I would then own large stakes in TV channels. I will have a 2G applicants buy stakes in my media company at premium rates using the position and ministerial role her party has in telecom.
My eighth wish is to have brother in law like Certain Mr L ex CM of land of darkness as described by Arvind Adiga. Then i can continue my criminal career under police protection of state. I can also get some benefits out of fodder purchase for animals.
Now as for last two wishes i would dedicate them to two mass opium shots: Cricket and Bollywood. Again i leave it up to god to use his discretion in granting these both.
My ninth wish is to have mother like Ms A team owner of biggest IPL franchise and wife of biggest Indian Business group so i can enjoy all IPL matches in owners seats and had a chance to shake hand with GOD in my team and all other leading cricketers across teams. Of course other benefit of being next owner of biggest group will be just a bonus. But just one sub wish is that i should not have similar physic at that age. Though I would like to make a not at this age I can be comparable.
If god has to grant my last wish he also needs to change Hindu marriage act as i wish to have Oh la la Ms V as my second wife. And am sure it will not be a dirty picture to look at. Then I could rule Bollywood and enjoy Bollywood parties.
I am heading to Himalayas for sure and am sending advance notice to God so he can have time to prepare for my wish list. Better preparation is recipe of success.

Statutory Disclaimers:
Please note all characters mentioned above are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is unintentional and coincidental.
God hope you will not get offended by little bit of falsehood in this blog as i don’t want to get booked under article 66 A. And hope my family understands me.
Also note that I do not like those people who are not in power so are not included in my wish list. That does not portray any political belief. I will surely include them if they act similarly when in power.

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